


heartless

by sanjariti



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Bucky Barnes Angst, F/M, another song inspired fic, enjoy, lmk if you cried reading this thanks, so much pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-09-19
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:48:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 981
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16033313
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sanjariti/pseuds/sanjariti
Summary: What will it take for him to let you in?





	heartless

**Author's Note:**

> just a note - i don't write new fics for this character anymore, i'm just reposting my tumblr fics onto ao3 so i don't lose my work! thanks for any and all feedback - it is much appreciated! <3333

When your heart breaks, it’s not a simple split. Not a lone crack down the middle.

Heartbreak is a serpent, slithering past the walls of your love. It pierces you when you least expect it, yet you feel nothing. Heartbreak may poison you in an instant, but the real suffering is in the way it kills you. You’ll never see it coming.

The poison spreads like wildfire, lurking in your veins as it finds a place to settle. A place to call home.

Unfortunately for you, that home is your heart.

Heartbreak is a virus, attacking every fiber of your being with its malicious intent. Yet, you’re still oblivious. It’s infiltrated the most vulnerable parts of your soul, yet it lies in wait.

The real suffering is in the way it kills you.

Slowly.

Passionately.

Relentlessly.

You never see it coming, but you feel it all at once.

A heart breaking is worse than death itself.

> _You must think that I’m stupid_
> 
> _You must think that I’m a fool_
> 
> _You must think that I’m new to this_
> 
> _But I have seen this all before_

Bucky Barnes knows heartbreak. He knows it in its worst manifestation; love.

He was never one for love. He didn’t deserve it. Never had, never  _will_.

Bucky Barnes is a monster. A soulless, heartless creature. He is no man. He deserves nothing but the worst.

When he happens upon you - a bright, warm soul, that seems to light up even the darkest of places - he knows he has to run. Yet he can’t.

Your warmth, your kindness, your  _will alone_ ; it draws him in. He wants to turn and run; get as far away from the angel that has arrived right before his eyes. But he can’t. You’re pulling him in, and he can’t tell if he’d rather drown in his demons or in your heaven.

* * *

Bucky’s in love with you. He has been since the moment he saw your eyes. Shining brighter than the sun; hell, you were  _his_  sun. His angel.

He loved you, and it scared him. He still didn’t believe that you wanted him. That you _loved him._

You were the definition of good, pure  _happiness_. He was anything but that.

> _I’m never gonna let you close to me_
> 
> _Even though you mean the most to me_
> 
> _‘Cause every time I open up, it hurts_
> 
> _So I’m never gonna get too close to you_
> 
> _Even when I mean the most to you_
> 
> _In case you go and leave me in the dirt_

He wanted to let you in. You already had his heart; why not give you his soul, too?

Bucky was dying to let you in, but he couldn’t find it in him to do it.

The anxiety and dread guarding his mind stopped him every single time he tried.

He flinched away every time you held his hand. He looked away every time you spoke to him. Bucky shrank away every time you held him in your arms after a nightmare.

No matter how hard you tried to show him your love, he pulled away and refused to see it.

Bucky wouldn’t let you in because he knew you would leave him behind.

He knows heartbreak, and you were it.

> _And every time you hurt me, the less that I cry_
> 
> _And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry_
> 
> _And every time you walk out, the less I love you_
> 
> _Baby, we don’t stand a chance, it’s sad but it’s true_

Bucky’s sitting up in his bed, his head in his hands. His breathing is fast, his chest heaving as he tries to calm himself down. You’re standing at the foot of his bed, your arms crossed in front of your chest.

“You can’t keep doing this, Bucky.” The words are barely a whisper, but he hears you nonetheless.

“Then go. I don’t need you here.” He could feel the cracks in his heart beginning to chip away, but he knew he’d rather bear this pain. He’d rather suffer heartbreak than have you in his arms, happy, only to lose you in the end.

“Why are you saying this? You don’t mean it, I know it. I know  _you,_  James. Stop this,  _please_.” The last word hurts you more than you thought; a sob rips its way from your throat as you sit down in front of him.

You try to take his hands in yours, but he pulls away, his eyes meeting yours for the first time that night. The bright blue you fell in love with is glassy, and you can’t stop your own tears from falling as you hear his voice.

“Leave, Y/N. I know you think I’m heartless. I know you think I’m cold. And you’re right; I am. I am nothing but a heartless weapon. I’ve hurt people, and I’ll never stop. Just go, Y/N. Please,” He looks away, his hands shaking in his lap as he shifts away from you, his back hitting the headboard.

“You really think you’ve got me figured out, huh? Clearly, you don’t. I love you for you, James. I always have, and I always will. You know damn well you are no monster. Your heart is the reason why I fell in love with you. Why can’t you see that? Why do you insist on pushing me away?”

The dark silence consumes your words, and yet not a single reaction from Bucky. You can’t take it anymore - your heart is collapsing with every passing second of silence. You rise from the bed, glancing back one last time at Bucky as you begin to shut the door behind you.

You hear his voice, but you don’t stop. As soon as the door clicks, you fall against the wall, silent sobs racking your body.

_“The less I love you, the better. I’m way too good at goodbyes.”_


End file.
